i've been going through some serious transformations, personal growth, over the last couple of years. it all seems to be coming together, or intensifying, in the last month or two. i've noticed changes in the way i see and process things. i'm feeling more comfortable in my body, and in my head. i'm learning to accept myself, love myself, and be good to myself. these have been my challenges. despite all the care and support i've had in my life (blessings) certain life experiences (traumas), and my individual ways of dealing with them, have ultimately affected who i've become. i can try to separate myself from those expriences, but they are inevitably a part of me, and who i'm becoming.
it's hard to revisit certain memories. but i'm learning to process in a way that doesn't erase or replace. though it's always easier to burry the shit. but i want to grow. i want to feel movement. i want to come into being in real way. and the way to do it is to get through
those experiences. I want to get through the blocks. not go around
them, but right through
"In exile, there is distance that allows for memory that remains painful to be controlled." (Kwame Dawes)
there comes a time when there is enough distance to get through. through the hurt. through the scars. through the shit. this distance isn't only physical. you create your own exile. then you return to those memories. yes, it's easier to guard them with silence. but silence won't get you to where you want to be. that is, if you want
to get there.
and i want to get there.
and i'm getting there.
and i know that becoming me
is going to be a life long journey.