Clean is Clean is Clean is

This morning, I was washing dishes and scrubbing down the kitchen counter knowing damn well how late I was for work. But I couldn't leave the house until I cleaned. It was almost beyond my control. Compulsive behaviour has a contradictory element to it in that it is both calming and frustrating at the same time. But the former makes the latter worth it. Which is why I had to clean. I felt reassured. Secure. Solid. In control. I could go out into the world, knowing I had clean countertops.

Most people display some form of compulsive behaviour. They may not be aware of it. And most would never admit to it. Now with shows like "Obsessed," compulsive behaviour is pathologized and put on display for all to see in the most vomitizing voyeurism; the audience feels reassured (i.e. thank GOD I'm not that crazy!) but also disturbed (i.e. GOD, I hope I don't become that!). No matter how severe the situations on the show are, there is still a common underlying element of compulsion in those people's stories that many of us can relate to. Why is over-washing your hands (something many do) any different than scrubbing your asshole raw with soap and a toothbrush every time you take a shit? Both activities involve some form of obsession with control and the feeling of cleanliness.

I do realize that certain compulsive behaviour is severe enough to affect people's wellbeing; and that's something to take seriously. But in most cases, it's the quirks that make us who we are. My ex-lover has this thing about regularly touching his nose in public settings to check for boogers; a close friend is particular about where she sits in a restaurant vis-a-vis the front door; another friend has a way of folding her underwear and rolling used groceries bags. These idiosynchracies make these individuals even more endearing to me; it's what makes them, us, beautifully unique.