Jul 20, 2009

Tongue Tied

I am having a difficult time with poetry lately. I have not been in the headspace to write poems. I also have not been hitting emotionally intense moments. This is strange given that (a) I am so emo, and (b) I'm entering a new phase of life, and (c) there's a messed up political situation back home. I experienced a lot of anxiety (and some lows) a few weeks back, but for some reason, it subsided. I somehow must have blocked all of it. And I'm feeling mighty weird about it, especially with regards to what's going on back home. I feel obliged to write about all the horrible things that are happening in Iran right now. But for some reason, I just can't go there. Maybe it's a survival mechanism; maybe my body and spirit can't deal with any of it. Or maybe it's just the privilege of distance, of being able to go about my daily business because I simply can. Perhaps it's a complicated combination of a lot of things. But I'm feeling a lot of guilt as a result. I'm also feeling inept. And I've become completely tongue tied.

But maybe that's not all true. Because I'm writing about it now. Maybe this post some kind of opening, to allow myself to write through the emotional block. I'm thinking it is. Or hoping so.

I'm also realizing that writing poetry entails me to be in a particular headspace that isn't always the "best" place for me to be. And when I'm there, I tend to get caught up. And it's more than mere emotions; my spirit feels heavy, as does my body. So I'm trying to figure out a way to allow myself the space and time for those intense moments; to learn to write and not get caught up. But I don't know if this is possible. I don't know if I could easily tap in and out of those kinds of intensities.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to keep trying.


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