Oct 11, 2007

Loknat-e Zabaan

somewhere along the way i bit my tongue and words became easy to swallow. i'm not sure when this happened. but it did. i've eaten too many words and now my belly is full.

ethnic girl
mistranslated
in undesired tongue

somewhere along the way i became tongue tied. words crashed against the sides of my mouth, sliding down my throat. flooding my belly.

this weight
heavy within
my stomach walls
stretched tight ready
to explode shame

when did i betray my tongue?

she told me when you have nothing left to guard, you guard your memories. you guard them with silence.

but what about the traumas? do you guard them too?

regurgitated words
trapped in my throat

tell me something good.

9 Comments:

Blogger sophistiphunk said...

that silence you speak of,
is the loudest kind.
i hear you.
-s.s.

7:01 PM  
Blogger pomegranate queen said...

so true. thank you.
pq

3:03 PM  
Blogger parami10 said...

provocative.

"you guard your memories / you guard them with silence / but what about the traumas?"

i wonder -- do memories stay the same? what if the memories we guard now are not the same as they were before? what are we really guarding, especially with trauma -- the memory, or a fragment of self?

love~p10

1:04 AM  
Blogger pomegranate queen said...

parami10, you ask questions i've been asking myself. so much there to think about. i need to keep reflecting.
what are you thoughts?

4:38 PM  
Blogger parami10 said...

personally i think with trauma, our healing comes with how we learn to live with its memory over time. how we remember something changes. i think though that if the trauma is not recognized or acknowledged as such, then the trauma remains frozen and doesn't get the chance to change or be reframed. it might even get worse. (here i'm thinking about social traumas too, like the fact that the US refuses to really look at the legacy of slavery.) what do you think PQ?

~p10

1:08 AM  
Blogger margaret said...

There are so many words that speak to me, the mistranslation, the weight, the exploding...

3:12 AM  
Blogger pomegranate queen said...

hey parami,

i'm trying to think about the space(s) between memory and trauma... how are the two things related...how are they inseperable...how is trauma situated in the process of remembering?

you relate trauma and memory in terms of healing. i like that. how we remember something changes in relation to our present state, our present experiences...or does it?

how is trauma rearticulated in remembering?

ahhhh. so much to think about. as Kwame Dawes says: in exile, there is distance that allows for memory
that remains painful to be controlled.

i'm interested in this notion of exile. that space. whether psychic or physical. and i'm also interested in this notion of controlling the memory...whether it's guarding it or whatever that control might be.

anyway. just some thoughts. and still thinking.

10:31 PM  
Blogger skyscraper said...

wow.
how pretty and soul-touching!
i missed your poetry and your sharp, raw way of expression, girl!
so nice to be back and "see" you!

8:52 AM  
Blogger pomegranate queen said...

sky, thank you. much love.

12:37 AM  

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