Jun 28, 2006

Can I Kick It?

Honestly, too many days have gone by without me posting an entry up on this blog of mine. I haven't even checked my favorite blogs in a while! I hope it's understood that life drama can get in the way of blogging life.

So, I'm here to see if I can resume the blogging. It's kind of rough getting back into writing after a serious blogger's block. But I'm really gonna try. This short entry is a start...so bear with me.

More to come!

In the meanwhile, check this latest video, Brown Eyed Warrior by Toronto group LAL.
Big ups to Rosina and Nick!! Keep doing your thing and inspiring the rest of us!!



Blogger brownfemipower said...

whew, i'm missing you hard over here!! Everybody just sorta seemed to disappear at the same time!!! :-)

i hope life is rocking a bit better for you...

9:11 PM  
Blogger Pomegranate Queen said...

girl! i've been visiting your site and tried to comment a few times and for some reason I can't. I sent you an email about it, let me know what the deal is with that. I'm LOVING your webpage!
it's true, everybody did disappeared at the same time, and i'm hoping everyone will make the comebacks too!
life is rocking better and gracias for your concern :)

11:52 PM  
Blogger brownfemipower said...

you did??? I didn't get anything!!!!

when did you send it?? I've checked all two hundred email addresses i have and i don't have anything!!! :-)

hm...i wonder what's going on!

try sending something to brownfemipower at gmail dot com...

did you use the contact form on the site? something is kinda off about that thing lately, i don't know what's going oN!!!! I'm gonna have to ask vegan to take a look at it...

oh, also, i'm glad things are rocking better!!

6:58 PM  
Blogger skyscraper said...

PQ, let it be known to you that you've been very much missed over here on my end.

i know you've been on and off some respites from blogging, as have many of us lately. and i find it very understandable. i question my blogging and my role and contribution into our virtual intellectual power base and how this really plays out for me and what benefit it brings to my development and wholesomeness on a daily fucking basis. as recently as last saturday i've even made a drastic decision to stop blogging altogether and actually, even to end my life. a lot of personal and worldly things have contributed to such dramatic mood and as i've slowly started to get out of that seemingly hopeless, depressed place (with the help of many precisely in my blogging community!), i'm now more convinced that not everything is useless, and inspired to go on. but i know such dark moments are probably in store for me again in the future, though i'm gonna do my best not to allow myself to be overtaken by lack of purpose and powerlessness.

i feel very blessed now that i've chosen to stick around and that i've gotten tremendous support and empowerment from my blogging buddies this time around. i also understand that i cannot let myself be defeated by whatever shit happenes in my life, and that i'm still needed, and i in turn also still need to be present in the virtual and real life, equally. for myself and for the wonderful things i feel that i might do in this life.

my presense and attention online now is very limited also, but i make an effort to keep in touch with people, to check out what they're up to and whence they're drawing their inspirations these days. it helps me tremendously in order to get inspired myself, and to feel that i'm not alone in my occasional misery, disenchantment and frustration, and, most importantly, that i have people i can talk to about it.

anyways, it was great to hear your voice again. i hope you won't be disappearing for too long. and i hope the rest of your life is kick-ass awesome. i miss your powerful words, your beautiful womanly strength and fierce spirit.


2:28 PM  
Blogger Blackamazon said...

I mis syou ! I actually just dedicated a posty touou

5:34 PM  
Blogger Pomegranate Queen said...

oh my god, i'm literally crying after reading your comments. I can't begin to tell you how fucked up things have been for me emotionally and i'm scared to post about it. there are people I know who read my blog and know who i am and I don't want them to know how I'm feeling so I haven't been able to share with or reach out to my blogging community in the way I need or want to.
Sky, I really and truly feel what you said. I'm sorry you have been in a bad place too and I know the pain can be so unbearable. I have had my moments and sometimes i'm not sure if I can deal.
sometimes I don't even think i'm as strong as people think I am. sometimes I don't even want to be strong.
but I have my ups and downs and you are right, one of the things that has been consistent and kept me going at rough times has been my blogging...it's been healing and inspiring reading other people's words and sharing my own.

blackamazon, your words just made me cry and smile. your poem is so painfully beautiful. thank you.


12:34 PM  
Blogger DivineLavender said...

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies....

I wonder about us with so many people around and the mask that we have to wear. I find it really hard sometimes to know so many people yet feel so alone. It feels like being at the SuperBowl and no one notices that you haven't returned to your seat in the last hour. Thousands of people. I wonder in my life how important and meaningful I am to those "closest" to me. How can they call themselves close to me when I am think about sliding my head under the water and letting the water fill my lungs.

Just the other day I told Sky that I channelled the energy of Phyllis Hyman, Billie Holiday, and Bessie Smith. I wonder if anyone would mourn me. Will they just wonder if I left them anything? How long will my body decay before someone bust down the door to find me? What will be whispered over my open or closed casket? Will my blog be deleted at the request of my family? Will anyone miss me? Will anyone miss my voice? Will anyone miss my scent? Will anyone miss hearing me laugh or seeing me cry?

I feel so much pain and sorrow that I am connecting with you SkY and Queen in our pain. Does it get better than this? Do we have to bond over thinking about ending our lives? We MUST support each other in our depression, anxiety, and numbness!

I don't have the answers. I have little yellow pills and little blue and white ones...that help some days...And I look at them differently in how they can help me. Scary? But so raw and true.

PQ, I missed you and will miss you...did miss you.

I need you. You need me. Sky needs me....all connected. If any of you leave...a piece of me will freeze.

Ya'w know black folks hate the cold!*had to bust a joke*


11:22 PM  
Blogger Pomegranate Queen said...

wow divine,
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through difficult times. i'm happy that you are connecting with our words and our sorrows...

I hope we can all begin to connect through the joys too and not just pain...

then again, it's usually when there's pain and sorry that we reach out to our communities.

I just want to say that it does get better than this. pain is not such a horrible thing at all because it connects you with the realness of life - you're really living when you feel that intensely, knowwhatImean?

Sometimes the pain is so unbearable, but I haven't thought about ending my life...living life with emotional pain is not the end of life...in fact, it's the very essence of life - like I said, it's when you really feel alive (if that makes sense)

I can't say please don't think about the end of things, because it's not in my place to speak about how others might feel about (and deal with) their experience of sorrow and pain...but what I can say is that pain and sorrow do not mean the end of things...they can be the beginning of a transition into a better place and a better space...

you hit rock bottom and pull yourself out...easier said that done, but that's what it's all about: the process of pulling oneself out.

so stay connected, and I'll do my best, aight? no promises, but i'll do my best to stay connected. and in the meanwhile...

work on staying warm girl!


2:15 AM  
Blogger skyscraper said...

DL and PQ,

thank you for these inspirational words. PQ, in fact i just replied to your comment on my blog and read you here, where you talk about the same, uplifting message--that an end is often, and should be perceived as, a beginning of something new. i agree. and as dangerous as the moments of acute and untakeable emotional pain can be (as the line between having to survive and not wanting to survive but just to give up is, in my mind, so thin), they are indeed very crucial in bringing about very needed changes and rejuvinations, and new directions, in our lives. as long as we're able to see and realize that as such, instead of seeing everything in negative light, these instances can be very envigorating and uplifting.

so, i'm glad that the three of us, though apparently having known and felt a lot of pain and retained its scars, are on the same page about the need to go on, getting stronger and persevering. and that we all realize that it's still worthwhile to continue being who we are and to stick together, share, find and encourage strength in one another, and keep living.

i agree, Divine, we don't need the coldness of an unfillable place once occupied by a dear, beautiful, compassionate friend and soul-mate. your kindness breathes life into me.


let's keep each other wanting to be happy. and believing that. i'm down for that today. don't know what tomorrow will bring, but hopefully it will be something worth living for

1:23 AM  
Blogger skyscraper said...

i understand your limitations on being completely open if you have people here who know you in real life. i'd feel the same way. i treasure the blogging space that i have because of this privacy that i can choose to operate under. of course, recently i have been connecting with and meeting people i've met thru my blogging, on a more personal level, and that has been an indescribably wonderful experience, but i also realize that the next time i meet someone this way might not be as safe. but so far it's been amazing and of course i'm wary of who i "let in" into my life, and who i don't. plus, i write about such personal, sensitive stuff and some intimate details about me and i wouldn't want to end up dealing with some freaks or stalkers. that's why my presense online is kept sort of to a low-key, impersonal mode. well, not as much as other women/people's, but still.

i don't want a lot of people who know me personally to read what i write, or to even find me. it's complicated like that. and not because i'm posing as someone else, but on the contrary because i'm being too honest and revealing as to let the "real" world around me read/see it.

anyhow, i hope you find other ways to express your innate feelings then, cuz god knows it's so necessary to be able to share that sometimes.

2:07 AM  
Blogger Pomegranate Queen said...

thanks for your words sky, and it's comforting to know one isn't alone in the intensity of the emotions one is feeling...some of us (the artists! the poets! the writers! the musicians!) are blessed because we are so expressive with our emotions...we let them show through our art (whatever artistic medium we are feeling at that moment)
and with the pain comes a whole lot of creativity to ease it, know what I'm saying? I know you do :)

so let's keep on doing what we do!!

7:52 PM  
Blogger Blackamazon said...

I keep dedicating posts to you people!

But also I see what you're saying Sky that part o f the fear that prevents this from being a full out place because who wants teh crazy?
for me it's less I'm artistic than the bloggosphere is teh one place where my painfull trait of having a face and a manenr that lets me gkeep very little of my inner thoughts my inner thoughts can be jsut let go you know?

1:24 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Licence.