May 19, 2006

A Case of that Ole De La Track
warning: heteronormative content; post includes generalizations that reassert certain gender stereotypes - reader discretion is advised

It's Friday night and I've decided to stay home (perhaps a sign of that hermit thing I was talking about before). Anyway, I'm content. It's going to be a relaxing evening. I've made myself a good, home-cooked meal of spaghetti, a nice salad, and about ready to eat when the phone rings. I take a look at the call display and it's a close friend, so I answer.

After the initial what's up, she gets right into it. Guy trouble. Damn. I pour myself another glass of red wine, sit back and listen. She breaks it all down for me.
"He's confused. But he seemed so cool with things. We got along so well. And you know I'm not that girl!"

It's true. Of all my friends, she is definitely not that type of girl to stress the person she's dating about relationship status. Simply put, she's chill. In fact, she's an amazing woman who has a lot going for her in every way (much like many, many of my single female friends).

So what's his deal?

To cut a long story short, this guy (who apparently is the closest thing to worthwhile) has confessed his inability to put time into the relationship.
"I'm in a selfish place right now. I'm sorry, I'm a wuss."

Yup, another one of those.

So her and I get talking about men [herein read: straight man] and the whole "selfish" thing. It seems that when it comes to taking the relationship to the next level, for certain dude's even just thinking about it freaks them out (in her case, she didn't even say a damn thing). For whatever reason, some guys can't handle the intensity of having a potentially amazing relationship - and they up and bounce. This guy is the case in point. Lucky for her though, he made his confession very early in the relationship - hence, saving her from some serious grief.

So what gives man?

Call me a romantic (or pathetic?) but I'm a sucker for that whole "you and me against the world" bit. I know you know what I'm talking about. That whole, "there's nothing we can't work out" myth that seems to be ingrained into the brains of many women [herein read: straight woman] I know. I mean, yes, women can be selfish too. We also get confused and freak out. But for the most part, it's like we've got the Musiq Soulchild blasting through our headphones:
"it will be just you and me against the world, yeah"
While the dude's are rhyming along to that old De La Soul track. Yes, you know the one...
"it's just me, myself and I"

So I tell my friend that, from one hip hop head to the other, the only half decent advice I can offer her is not to fall for that R&B crap, and just stick to the hip hop!

Speaking of which, where's my 3 Feet High and Rising tape at?


Blogger rabfish said...


this is hilarious

you could totally jazz it up as a funny column in a music magazine

5:07 PM  
Blogger Pomegranate Queen said...

ha, i'm glad you liked it - a little different than how I normally write, but hey, i'm a multifaceted writer/person!! ;)

5:30 PM  
Anonymous visha(kha) said...

lol! too true. maybe the problem is that we're listening to Musiq ("143") and Jill Scott ("He Loves Me") and not T-Pain ("I'm in Love With a Stripper") and John Legend (just about ALL of his songs are about him cheating). and i TOTALLY blame Mary's "Real Love" for permanently heightening my expectations at the young age of 15. and i really don't think you have to be straight to relate. you've got this bi grrl nodding her head sadly. good post, PQ.

7:46 PM  
Blogger matt said...

i love de la

8:32 PM  
Blogger Blackamazon said...

NUmber one . Oh how I love you. and I'm a fan of Jill ( Slowly SurelY ) and India ( GEt IT together) . What is withmen feeling a together woman is a huge problem for their masculinity ?

10:55 AM  
Blogger EL said...

Post makes me reach for my De La.

I love your disclaimer. :)

12:47 PM  
Blogger dara said...

i used to sing the "me, myself and I" tune, and I had many guys confused b/c that was supposed to be their line. now i'm more of the "it will be just you and me against the world" type of woman. and you know what? I get my heart hurt more now. but i'm trying to remain optimistic--maybe i need to "just stick to the hip hop." or maybe i should go with the remix--a little hip hop, an r&b hook. well, wish me luck on this journey of love.

8:38 PM  
Blogger Pomegranate Queen said...

Blackamazon, that is *the* question...believe me, I know.

thanks el, i love that de la album!

Dara - lol! yes, it's all about the remix or as you said, a little hip hop with a dope r&b hook - Bring on the Method Man and Mary J. Blige collabo!!! man that's the perfect song for what we're talking about right here :)


12:30 AM  
Blogger dara said...

"shorty i'm there for ya anytime ya need me..." Yes! Meth and Mary-classic!

7:02 PM  
Blogger Libellule said...

I am totally with you PQ ... now, as you know, I am a rock girl, so here is a rock tune for you ... well, a quasi rock tune for you, "where have all the cowboys gone?". However, I have always found that song borderline sexist-- I'm sure many feminists out there found the song simply sexist.
So, to move away from the political connotaions of this song, I will leave you with a quote from an awesome new CD by Jack Johnson. The song is called Broken, and the befitting lyrics go as follows:
Without you I was broken
But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side

Ahhhh .... love .... yes, where is the spirit of unity in relationships these days? Why is it so hard to find ....

10:56 PM  
Blogger Pomegranate Queen said...

thanks for the rock music references! I'm going to check out the Jack Johnson song - beautiful words, again, that whole "us against the world thing"

you're right, where is the spirit of unity in relationships...except, sometimes people need space to figure things out and I get that. what upsets me are those types of people that just bail when times get rough - that's different than someone working on their shit - at times a break is necessary for a relationship to grow stronger...

but again, that is very different than certain people (often times dudes) who feel the need to bounce when things get too intense.

i guess relationships are sooooo damn complicated!!!! but loving someone shouldn't be.

2:37 PM  
Blogger DivineLavender said...

Lawrd...Let me think long and hard about the song I get...I think "T-shirt and Panties" kinda sums it up for me. You know " I got my t-shirt and my panties on...t-shirt and my panties onnnn" They (men) get excited about us (women) being ready for them. They (men) don't care that we are preparing for them. Don't ask them (our men) to wash our t-shirts or hang up our lace panties to air dry instead of throwing them in the dryer with the towels and shyt. (Okay I am particular about my drawas)

But I love 'em and love women too...doubly fucked up.

1:13 AM  

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