Random Encounters...or Perhaps Not.

I just got back from being away for one month, moved into a new place over the weekend, and finally got my internet working (thanks to the person who showed me the obvious!)

I've been going through an emotional roller coaster over the last month or so. Like all roller coaster rides, it has been, how can I put it, a scream? Anyway, I've been doing a lot of non-thinking (i.e. trying to think less) and trying not to take myself too seriously. I'm trying to block negative energy, and have faith that things end up working out they way they do. I don't mean that in a "fate" sort of way (well, not entirely at least), but I mean it as a "let go and just be" kind of way.

Let go and just be, like

Let things happen...

Let life happen...

And most importantly, experience life.

The other night, I met a friend of a friend at a bar/lounge where they were spinning nice tunes (Keni Burke!). Anyway, so me and this woman started talking, like we were meant to have this conversation, and she said something that really stuck with me (and thank you for that, much respect). I was telling her about my life situation, and mentioned something about being at a point in my life where I wanted to pursue my passion with great intensity...but in doing so, I wouldn't worry or stress, but rather have faith...things would work out.

She told me since I was a writer and loved words, I would appreciate what she was about to say. She asked me if I knew the Latin root of the word "confidence"...and broke it down for me like this:

con = with
fid = faith
ence = state

confidence = state of being with faith

It's like I had never really thought about what this English word, which so many of us concern ourselves with (I need confidence, confidence is important, take courses to better your confidence, have more confidence! Confidence is the key to successs), really meant.

This way of thinking about the term, or better yet, the idea, resonates in the deepest way with me. It's really all about exisiting in a state of being with faith.

I'd like to break down the notion of "faith" and what I mean by it...but I wouldn't know where to start...I guess in short, it's my way of articulating this idea of letting go, being less "attached" so to speak...

I'm too damn tired to get into it right now...

Perhaps I'll have a part two for this entry.

For now, shabetan bekheir.